My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
