she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
