The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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