Non-Jews are for practice
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Even my vagina gasped.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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