Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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