You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
