her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
