11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
