Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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