Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
