I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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