My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
