His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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