WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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