A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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