she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
