i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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