just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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