It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
sex in a hospital.. check
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
