you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
