Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
