is your mom at the bar?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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