Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
