I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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