Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
