And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
