I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
