i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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