you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You were trust falling into bushes
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
