god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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