i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
