my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've blown a few things in my day
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
