allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
