Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I love you.
Bad choice
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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