It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I fill condoms, not promises.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
