It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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