Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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