Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
