Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
how does that bad decision feel?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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