You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
