just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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