after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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