Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
