don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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