Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
