I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my shit smells like andre
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
