Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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