Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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