I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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