i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
