so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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