Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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