She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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