On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
