Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
