I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
