I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
