i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
